I have to add a note to this one. I debated leaving out any reference to 'spanking' - something we chose to do with our children. I debated, partly because some people are so offended by the thought, and partly because I wish we had done things a bit differently. I won't go as far as to say that I believe spanking is wrong, but I do think I resorted to it far too quickly, and sometimes for the wrong reasons. But since I want this to be a realistic picture of my children's childhood, I can't leave it out. I can't suddenly become the perfect parent that I wish I'd been. I'm just grateful for the grace of God that allowed my children to grow into the beautiful people they are today, despite our failings.
December 8, 1980
Kirsten is in bed, but not asleep. She calls for Mommy and I go to her. She's standing in her crib and when I put my arm around her and ask her what's wrong, she pooints to the picture in the hallway "boat."
"Yes that's a boat, but you're supposed to be sleeping."
"No. Shoe-shoe," she says, pointing to them.
"Right, but you must sleep." I lay her down before noticing her bare bum. Einar brings the pottie, she sits on it for two seconds and is "finished." It's obviously only a stall, but since I am trying to train her, every time her pants come off, onto the pottie she goes. Soon she's dressed again and hugging her blanket as I cover her.
"Next time," I tell Einar back in the living room, "It's your turn to go and put her pants on." We smile, knowing there will be a next time, and wondering how many there will be yet that evening.
Soon we can hear the grunts - this time she's finding it harder to get them off.
"Mommy!" I guess she's done it. This time Einar goes and puts her on the pottie. When she gets up, she picks up the pottie - being a very concerned cleaner-upper, and starts to take it back to where it belongs, but Einar assures her it can remain there for the night and gets her back into bed.
I'm trying to train her - which today wasn't easy. I was quite frustrated after four wet pairs of training pants in several hours. I promised her a spanking if she wet the next pair. I wouldn't recommend that method to anyone. I don't think spanking is a good way to pottie-train a child, and I realized my mistake when I'd said it. But I believe an even worse mistake is making a threat and not carrying through with it. That makes a child insecure. Now maybe I should tell you 'how' I spank - I think that's important. Only one spank on the bum and then I cuddle. That way I believe I'm not only punishing but rather teaching her. Teaching her that her actions were not acceptable but that I love her and will, no matter what she does.
Anyway I had promised her a spanking and she inevitably got one. She was in tears while I hugged her and explained why I had to do that. After she was quiet I told her that it was time for her nap and took her to her crib. Before I lay her down, she looked up at me with still a hint of tears in her eyes and said, "Pray?" Maybe it was just another stall, but I could pray with her. Asking Jesus to help her remember to go pottie. It geve me an opportunity to teach her very young that the Lord is interested in the most trivial detail of our life.
Though Kirsten is very good about going to bed, her mind is certainly no slower than average when it comes to inventing "stalls." We had begun to pray with her before putting her to sleep and, as we do at mealtime, held her hand as we prayed. Einar put her to bed one night, took both her hands in one of his and prayed with her. No sooner had he said "amen" when she grabbed his free hand to "pray" again.
*Note: We were living in an 8x47' mobile home at the time. Einar was building an addition which included another bedroom in his spare time.
February, 1981
Kirsten is 20 months old now and we're sharing a bedroom with her - probably for a couple of months. On e night we went to bed at the same time she did and were whispering in bed. That is, until we were reprimanded very quietly by a "shhh, kiet" from her crib.
Now at 20 months, Kirsten is pretty well trained (I think) but it didn't come about through threats and spanings. When I gave that up and let her go her own pace, it didn't take very long. There were many many wet diapers and training pants in between, and may be more, but there is a lot less frustration this way.
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