Tribute to my Mother

"Your Mom is a saint," I was told as an early adult. My Mom was not a saint, but she was a wonderful mom. There are so many ways I would like to be more like her.

Gossip was not my mother's forte. If she talked about people, it was to pray for them, or to bring attention to a need. Or to praise them. She strived to be positive, and in my memory, she usually was.

Mom was affectionate, and to go home was to be wrapped in one of her hugs. Her knee was the most comfortable place for the grandchildren. She could rock any baby to sleep. Mom always had that touch.

Mom loved nature. When we lived on the farm, she could name every bird that came around. In spring, I recall wanting to be the first to bring her a leaf from the black poplar, or pussy willows, or chokecherry blossoms. She was always excited about the 'firsts' of spring.

With 13 children, Mom was busy. She froze and canned enough in fall so we wouldn't have to buy food in the winter. We still crave Mom's pickles, but a more recent craving has me surprised. Ketchup. Mom made the best homemade ketchup. I'm sure that as a child I never imagined I'd say that. We wished so badly that we could be like other people and buy ketchup.

I remember mixed feelings about my clothes. Really, we were the best-dressed kids around. Mom was a genius with the sewing machine. I truly don't know anyone more talented than she was. We could describe a dress to her, and she could make it. And make it to fit perfectly. She was extremely fussy about her work, and you could not find a mistake in her sewing. I recall some of the clothing - when hipster pants came in style (I was in grade 7 or 8), Mom sewed them for me. One pair I remember was really in style with 2 colors - the front of one leg matched the back of the other leg. She would try almost anything, as long as it was modest and not beyond what they could afford. There were times when I wished I could wear bought clothing, and I was excited to buy my first pair of jeans when I was 15. But we did know that no one else had as warm winter jackets as we did, and no one else's clothes were as well made.

After my girls were born, I sent Mom fabric and a pattern to make us matching dresses. We lived in different provinces and didn't have much money to travel, so I never had a chance for a fitting, but when Mom sent it back finished, she included a note to tell me how she had altered the dress from the pattern to make sure it fit. It did. Perfectly.

Mom had a great sense of humor, and it wasn't always obvious. I recall the first time we wanted to play scrabble with her. She was sure she couldn't learn it. To prove her point, she made her first word upside-down. Deliberate? I'm quite sure it was. She went on to play daily with Dad after he retired, and it was hard to beat her. Her rules, though, were always on the compassionate side rather than competative. If you had 3 vowels, you could put one back and exchange it. If someone needed help, we all helped find the best word. If you could set someone up, you did that. We still like to play "Mom's rules."

In Mom's last years, she was developing Alzheimers or something similar. For a while she got somewhat bossy and hard to get along with. She would argue a point with Dad until he graciously gave in - even when he knew she was wrong. She realized this was happening, though, and prayed that God would help her to be nice. Mom's prayers were generally answered, as was this one. She didn't regain memory, but learned to be more gracious and kind.

Her memory losses included her telling our daughter, when she brought out the Scrabble game, that she had never played this game before, so they would have to explain it to her. She knew she was forgetting people, so at our last family gathering together, she was determined that she wouldn't offend anyone. The staff at the retreat center probably thought she was the most loving person they had met. She greeted them all very warmly, because she wasn't always sure who was family and who wasn't.

The last time I saw Mom alive, she gave me a hug as we were leaving, and told me she was so glad she was my aunt. Earlier in the afternoon she had prayed for my daughters by name.

When my sister called on October 2, to tell me that Mom was gone, I still remember the shock. She wasn't ill, so we really weren't expecting this. It wasn't all sadness... at almost 90, Mom had lived a good life, and was very ready to go home. She died in her favorite chair, without any pain or prolonged illness.

I miss her hugs. I miss her wisdom. Every once in a while I remember that we haven't talked in ages and I should phone... then I remember that I can't. But I will see her again one day, and for now, that is enough. And maybe I can be a bit more like her and thus help keep her memory alive in the minds of those who knew and loved her.

Petty & Shallow

Petty & Shallow - that's me...

Yesterday my friend and I went to the coffee shop. I ordered a bagel, she ordered her coffee, then I ordered mine. We talked as they took the payment off my card, so I wasn't really paying attention to the total. We got the bagel and my coffee. Seems they only had one coffee on the order, and so they made me pay for another coffee before we could get what we had ordered. How annoying! It was their mistake, but I was made to pay for it.

I am both surprised and troubled at how quickly I feel slighted or wronged. Especially if I try to put this incident in the larger context.

This week an acquaintance went to the funeral of her mother, two nephews and a niece. Then she and her family had to make the decision on whether or not to leave their father and brother on life support. They are now planning the next funeral.

Also this week, we had the privilege of having lunch with Shay (sorry if I butchered that spelling) and Bijay. They have both come to Canada in the last 3 months - Shay from Nigeria and Bijay from Nepal. These two 20 year-olds know about injustice. Bijay was a child soldier at age seven, and for the next three years he entertained with his dancing and then was taught to use a gun and to kill. They lived in the forest and it was each man (boy) for himself - he had to forage for his own food.

I work for a Relief and Peace organization... Bijay's story is not unusual in this line of work.

And I'm fretting about the service at my local coffee shop...

Christmas Letter

I haven't done a Christmas letter this year. I always do one! But this has been a busy year, and I wasn't sure what to write. I traveled this year. For me, 5 trips to the US and 2 to Europe is a LOT of travel. There was a busyness that was sometimes hard to deal with. Four of those trips were for my work, 1 was for a week of volunteering with Mennonite Disaster Service, 1 was my husband's convention, and the other was visiting family.
That list doesn't include trips to Manitoba to visit family, a trip to BC (ditto), and many trips to Edmonton and Lethbridge for work.
A busy year. But a very fulfilling one. I love my job. I love my family. And I have the best husband in the world (for me, that is.)
Sounds "Pollyanna-ish" I know. But it's true.
We have our issues, but I think we've learned to deal with them.
Not everyone around us is perfect yet, but we're working on that. Just kidding - I think God is working on us through them. I like to believe that when the Lord allows me to deal with tough situations, it is to make me grow. And I want to do that with a thankful heart. I don't always deal well with these situations. But I hope I'm learning. And I pray that I will continually do better in my quest to become more like Christ.
Thankfulness is something I learned at my mother's knee (as she did from her mother, I believe). It is something that, when I practice it, makes the world a much better place. When I enter a mall with a smile in my heart and it shows through, it is amazing how friendly clerks become. Even Christmas shopping can be fun.
So we are planning to have a wonderful Christmas - not because we're getting all the presents we want... or maybe we are. Our kids will all be here and we'll be together. Who could want more than that.
Well, maybe I can think of 1 thing... a grandchild, possibly?? Sigh... One day! (If my kids ever read this, they know I'm kidding. I promised them I'd be willing to wait until THEY are ready!)

Autumn

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. (Okay, except in the spring - then spring is often my favorite - especially after a harsh winter.)

I love the colors of autumn, the crunch of the leaves, the smell of autumn... Autumn has a wild beauty that no other season can offer.

So when we happened to be in Edmonton for a Saturday night, we couldn't resist a drive through Jasper Park on our way home. Of course it made our trip about three times as long as it would have been otherwise. But it was worth it. The colors this year were spectacular! It was a gorgeous day for the drive. And it gave Einar and I a much-needed day together.

We try to get to the mountains several times each year, but it never seems to be enough. If we ever move away from here, we'll wonder what kept us so busy that we couldn't spend more time appreciating God's creation. Thankfully, there are also places right here in the city that are beautiful at this time of the year.

But it won't last long... autumn has a way of showing up and then quickly disappearing. And so we enjoy the glimpses we catch, and then wait for the next season to bring it's own beauty.

Simplicity

Life is so complicated sometimes. I guess we make it complicated.

I'm often struck by the simplicity of life elsewhere when I travel. Take Norway, for instance. Everyone seemed to take the time to pick wild flowers. All indoor and outdoor tables at the places we visited were adorned with boquets of wild flowers.

When we sat to eat, there were candles burning. Here, we always seem to be eating and running. When you light candles, the message is 'stay awhile.' It is an invitation to relax and enjoy.

Norway doesn't have many freeways. When we traveled, we often were on what we North Americans would consider a one-lane hightway. But they were intended for two-way traffic. Some roads we shared with the sheep. They didn't blink an eye when we had to manouver around them sleeping on the road. Someone asked if they moved when we honked. I don't think it occurred to us to honk. It was their road, and we were the intruders. When we exclaimed about the narrow roads, we would see a sign telling us that the road narrows ahead!

There are a lot more restaurants now than we saw 18 years ago on our last trip. But it still isn't anything like here. I can't speak for all of Norway, but our experience suggested they still prefer to eat at home most of the time. Eating out was expensive and seemed to be considered a treat.

Fresh food is important in Norway. We didn't see many large farms - the land there is very rocky, so they have to use whatever is available to grow what they need. Many people had a little garden as well as fruit trees. But the wild fruit was also commonly used for desserts and making jam.

I love to see people doing things with their hands. One of Einar's aunts has a loom and has woven all the rugs in her house. Most of them have embroidered their own bunad (customary Norwegian clothing) and that of their daughters. Some of them do hardanger, or knit, or sew. But they all seem to have a craft for the long winter evenings. And their homes reflect that. I think we are losing that custom here in North America, and it would be a great thing to revive. If only we could get away from the TV and computers long enough to complete a project!!

Now if only I would introduce some of this into my own life. I think it's time to turn off the computer!

A Norwegian View

I love moving.

This was a concept Einar's Norwegian family did not understand. They don't move. They settle and stay.

Granted, many of his family are settled on their homestead. Or their mother's homestead. Or their husband's homestead.

And the views... The views from many of the homes were nothing short of spectacular.

Would I want to move from a view like this?

Would I be more settled at the old homestead?

They tried to understand why we move so much. Liv has moved more than we have, and so many of the questions were directed at her. But we really didn't know how to answer.

Why do I like moving? I don't like surface cleaning. When I clean (the way I enjoy cleaning), I clean a small area but clean it thoroughly. Moving gives me a chance to do that to my whole house. It lets me sort and organize.

How much of it has to do with 'unsettledness' - the feeling that I belong elsewhere? I'm not sure. Einar doesn't like moving, and he'd have a greater reason to be unsettled. After all, his first home was not only a different house, but a different country.

My first move was when I was 15. (I still dream about someday purchasing that house.) After that, I have moved frequently. I think our longest stay in one place is our current house which we have had just over 7 years now. I like the house. But not the yard. And certainly not the view!

I think I'll have to settle for less of a view than we saw there... but maybe when we move to our next place, we'll pay a bit more for the view...

Koop Family Gathering 2008

Pinawa, Manitoba was the location of our family gathering for the third time. We have found Wilderness Edge to be accomodating, not overly expensive, with good food and good activities.

There were over 50 of us this year - less than last time, but still more than half of the family. Ages ranged from newborn Keanna to Dad who is 92.

In spite of the fact that I fail miserably when it comes to contacting and keeping in touch with my family much of the time, family is terribly important to me, and so I love this time of reconnecting and getting to know one another again. It is impossible to have meaningful conversations with everyone, but each time there are new surprises when I chat with my nephews and nieces, brothers and sisters.

Of course, it is also a time to spend with my own kids who live far away. We were sorry Paul couldn't make it this time, but hopefully those who couldn't get there this time will be able to make it to the next one in two years.

So - to my family - see you in July 2010 in Pinawa!